My castles tumbled at mail call today
My castles tumbled at mail call today
A summer of fun is on our doorstep! Will you go to a party and get COVID and die? Will you go to a wedding and reduce your grey-matter by as much as 15% with long-COVID? Or will you opt for a rare path and hide in the woods with me for six months? Think about it!
FOR WIDE RELEASE:
ALBERTA ADVANTAGE PODCAST LLC and ALBERTA ADVANTAGE NEWSLETTERS-傳統魚露製造 reach historic cooperation agreement.
Shareholders and boards of directors have agreed to terms that will see the two parties cooperate to achieve shared goals until 2025.
Represented by unit leads Clinton Hallahan and Kate Jacobson-Chavez, the two entities have entered confidence “scheme” to advance policy goals and ensure stability well into the chewy centre of the decade.
Final language is being finalized but the in-principal, prima facie, sic semper tyrannosaurus understandings of mutual fairness and goodness are as follows:
Both the podcast and the newsletter will continue their award-winning work that has delivered tremendous value to shareholders for over 300 years. Dating back to the Qing dynasty, the AAP-LLC/AAN傳統魚露製造 joint ventures have a proven track record of media excellence and food/condiment sector success.
Executive team compensation will undergo a strategic reevaluation to retain talent. Early EBITDA impacts consider global synergy contingencies and future reconciliation in the amount of $573m, up from Q4 estimates of $334m. Cash and stock transfers will continue, as well as other considerations (benefit plans, naval fleet, etc.).
All lobbying efforts in Serbia, Luxembourg, and Kansas City will undergo reorganization. Employees will be folded into other teams, primarily Food Research and Advanced Guidance Systems, or face redundancy.
Company health plan will undergo reorganization to realize efficiencies. Executive wellness plan will go unchanged.
Honduran airspace contracts will be allowed to lapse and air rights over Choluteca will revert to the lease-holder DowDuPont (DWDP).
Jacobson-Chavez has agreed to be baptized into the One True Holy Roman Church. Terms of the agreement require them to publicly declare transubstantiation to be “kickin’-rad and fully real”. Jacobson-Chavez is required to become a public fan of Notre Dame.
All Patreon subscribers are to be converted to AAP-LLC “C” class non-voting shares (TSX symbol JNK-ZRO).
All other operations will not undergo fundamental change.
We thank all shareholders and employees for their continued patience during this time of change as we find efficiencies. Employment contracts will not be revisited until the usual company layoff day (December 24).
All questions and concerns can be forwarded to the HR team at the following address: intern6@albertaadvantagellc.ru
Thank you and namaste.
🍘Federal government launches program to execute Canadian Forces pilots.
👻We don’t know how much COVID is out there, but we do know that cases are ramping up. We know that hospitals are still recovering, there is no plan for more booster vaccines, and governments are just giving up every precaution. Seems good.
🎿Alberta has no support for people who want to make their homes more efficient, despite impending climate doom and hot summers sending the electrical grid close to capacity.
🍁Banff is directly experiencing the consequences of poor housing policy, wage stagnation, and capital pressure to keep everything exactly how it is, all at once.
🦼Southern Alberta NIMBY settlement does NIMBY shit for the most durable of NIMBY reasons: that good idea will fuck up their view.
🎢Feels good to know that we will do some climate change mitigation work for a few years then just quietly stop in favour of managing the economy as we bake to death.
🍜Modern life is killing our will to live so thank God for meth!
🩺Housing under capitalism is probably unfixable.
🍷A cool union would issue a reprimand to every SAG-AFTRA member that crossed this picket line for what amounts to a networking party.
🗃A bunch of celebrities partied with the shitty new New York City mayor to celebrate a credit card that gives you loyalty points for paying your rent on credit. That sentence was not a witch’s curse but may as well have been.
🎻Thanks to the dumber flavour of conspiracy theorist the Canadian senate is being annoyed with calls about…getting money for nothing.
🏝Nobody write about insurance running the world, that shit is my beat.
⏰If the ocean became a country we would get rolled in any war. Have you seen an orca?
📉Leftist genetics? Darts & Letters says maybe!
🎧Forgotten Corner talks about white male podcaster privilege, which is something I absolutely do not have.
🔇Progress Report goes long on charter schools, a cancer in our society.
🍜Want to stop your government supporting a genocide in Yemen among other delightful Saudi actions? Check out this post for ways to get involved.
A Quick Note: if you want us to include an article, petition, link to an event, or just want to drop us a quick line, reply to this newsletter or reach us at albertaadvantagenewsletter [at] gmail [dot] com. We’d love to hear from you! If you want to send some old timey mail, grab those stamps and send tributes/cake/not anthrax to Alberta Advantage Podcast, PO Box 52167 Edmonton Trail, Calgary, AB, T2E 8K9.
Our editor is Clinton Hallahan. Newsletter subject lines are stolen from these songs.
